You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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