Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
