1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
