Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize