remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
