btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
