Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We had sex on a dog bed..
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
