she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
