shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
