I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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