Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
