the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
