I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
