dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
