I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
