im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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