Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
