Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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