This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I deserve this hangover.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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