I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
