I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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