I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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