I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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