i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize