great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Who died my cat blue again?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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