I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
