Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
