Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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