Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
