You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
