I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
