An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize