there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He called his prostate his "boner button".
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Tornado booty call.. dedication
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
