is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
