me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
