last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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