I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
