Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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