I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
