youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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