i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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