i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
