Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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