So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
