we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You left your phone here
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