Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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