R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
