How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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