I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
