Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Randomize
