I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
His nipple licking is glorious
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