I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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