i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
