Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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