i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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