Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
