Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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