My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
