You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
