I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
