I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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