it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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