She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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