Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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