I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
